Good evening, friends!
Tonight's post captures my first interview - the one that changed all of those iPhone notes, scribbles in my calendar, and conversations with friends into a real life blog!
Today we kick off the real purpose of A Heart For:
-to raise awareness about populations that need advocacy and support
- to encourage you as you continue on your journey
-to connect you with people and supports specific to a calling you have
Without further adieu, meet my uber passionate coworker, Sarah.
A HEART FOR: FOSTERING and ADOPTION
Meet my coworker, Sarah! She is a twenty-something that has fostered 10+ children in the last year. She started fostering as a single 24 year-old woman on one salary. What caught my eye about Sarah was that she clearly had a passion and calling for this population. She wants all children to know love and safety, especially children whose own homes have been deemed unsafe. We ended up talking for over an hour and I got to ask her the ins and outs of fostering and fostering to adopt.
Today's post certainly has overall takeaways and encouragement for the general population but it is also filled with very helpful firsthand knowledge for those of you who may be considering fostering and fostering to adopt. I hope her experiences inspire you if you have felt unqualified to take on the work of fostering a little soul. I hope it lightens your load by shedding light along your path. Happy reading!
I met Sarah through work. My first impression of Sarah was "MAN, that girl likes slurpees" (she almost always has one). We both work with infants and toddlers that have developmental delays. We'd been working together for some time when I learned that Sarah wanted to be a foster parent. After graduating college she started saving up money to buy a house so that she could begin the fostering process. In a matter of approximately 18 months she has had 10+ children come through her home. The children have been removed from their homes for a plethora of different reasons: neglect, exposure to drugs, witnessing domestic violence, victims of abuse, etc.
Sarah is a foster to adopt home. She has welcomed children that she thought might get to stay forever only to have to say goodbye. She says a prayer before she makes any decisions regarding child placement. I love that Sarah treats each phone call and child so preciously by taking the time to lift them up to the sweetest father, God.
Sarah started the application process in December 2016 and wasn't approved until September 2017. The process can be long and frustrating. She encourages you to keep copies of as many documents as possible. Her case manager was switched on more than one occasion. This caused delays and misinformation. At the end of the day, though, she states that if her timeline had been different she wouldn't have the children in her home that she does today. The day Sarah was approved she got her first placement call and consequently, her first kiddo! The child, a little girl, showed up to her home the very next week. Since then, more than ten children have come and gone. There have been many phone calls regarding placement that she had to decline because she was full. Let that sink in; in 18 months time she's had 10 children and many more phone calls. There is a huge need for foster homes. The youngest child that has come through her home was four days old. The oldest was a chid about to turn three years old. Babies are considered to be "easier" placement because more people are willing to take them. Sarah has been offered much older children who have experienced trauma and abuse. This was concerning to her because in her file, she stated that she was only open to taking younger children. They must really be in need of foster parents.
I asked Sarah when this passion started. "I've wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember, since around the 4th grade." She is now 24 years old.
"It's going to be hard. It's going to be hard every time they leave. If the coming and going is hard on me I can't imagine how hard it is on them."
"It's really hard when they leave. I've been told I might get to adopt and then they get taken away. When they are gone I think 'are they ok, are they safe?' Little ones understand more than we think or give them credit for. It's hard on kids to readjust after visits. Their sleeping, eating, and behaviors are disrupted. I've had a 3.5 month old that had a hard time leaving me after we'd bonded. Visits with parents can be stressful on kids. She gets scared when she has to leave. She's joyful and relieved when she comes back and sees me for the first time."
The people who will now be a part of your life once you are a foster parent:
"CASA worker, Adlietem, CPS case manager, private case manager, parents visits, ECI screens and evaluations, and more. It's different with each child, but these are some titles to expect in your home and on your calendars. There will be lots of doctor appointments. They have to be taken to a doctor within 30 days of being placed in the home. Foster parents often don't receive any kind of medical information on the child in their home. This can make it difficult to appropriately advocate for the child's needs. The child can't receive immunizations until their paperwork is forwarded because immunizations cannot be duplicated. This can make it tricky to get enrolled in daycare, therefore delaying a foster parent's ability to get back to work."
What are some steps people can take if they want to be a resource for children in foster care but at this time cannot swing fostering?
"Respite: short-term care for the foster child. This person has to go through training and be approved to become a respite provider. Must have finger prints taken, CPR and First Aid training, a background check, and some additional trainings. Respite is very beneficial for foster parents who otherwise wouldn't get a break to be able to take care of personal appointments, recharge, and rest. It's also nice in case of emergencies, out of state trips, etc."
Fostering, although clearly a calling and a beautiful thing, can be isolating. Sarah has had to say "no" to social and personal engagements that were previously doable for her. Grocery shopping is even overwhelming at times, especially when she has three kids placed in her home at the time. She has to have a car that's appropriate for hauling around three kiddos and carseats. Dating can be extremely hard.
Sarah has faced questions regarding adequacy:
"Am I doing this right? Am I right for this child? The answer is "yes" because at this very moment she is happy, loved, and safe. Being young and single didn't deter me from fostering. I've seen homes where both parents are present but it isn't a healthy home. One parent is better than no parents. Ultimately, the way I see it - God is their father and that trumps every worry, anything lacking in their current situation. I trust Him. God calls us to be there for widows and orphans. In the Bible it warns us to be wary of saying to someone "may you have health" but not taking tangible steps to help them if it's in our power. I have always wanted children and it didn't matter if they were my blood or not - God has placed them on my heart."
Some practical adjustments to be aware of:
"At first you have out of pocket costs and it can take awhile so be prepared to have costs. Differences in ages can mean you need to buy more. I send them off in things I've bought because I don't want them to go away empty-handed.
"My prayer - is that they are safe, healthy, loved, know Him, and for them to end up in the home He has prepared for them. My fear - visits. April is child abuse month. I've had two abuse victims come through my home. They were fragile kids and that can be scary. They are literally broken and there is a lot of unknown. It requires totally stepping out in faith. I don't know the behaviors. I'm afraid to fail them and their needs."
Sarah's resources:
ECI (Early Childhood Intervention 0-3), foster love-Bell County, ethnic care clinic, support group, her mother, a daycare she trusts, church support, WIC, (have to reapply for each child, each time - it doesn't follow them).
Thank you for reading. I hope this was informative and encouraging!
Thank you to those of you who open your homes and hearts to children that come with heavy baggage and help them carry it, lavish them with intentional love, and provide protection and safety for them. I pray you're filled up, loved on in your community, and as blessed by those children as they are by you. I pray for everyone affected by your decision to foster: case workers, coworkers, friends, family, the child's biological family - that you make a great team, the best team, on that child's behalf.
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Current foster families: What resources, wisdom, or encouragement would you share for other foster parents and/or those considering fostering? Any ideas you would like to add? Please drop a comment below. It's my goal that this space would become community for you and others.
Those considering fostering/adopting: What questions do you have for those who have already gone through this experience?
Community: what other resources do you know of for these foster families? Would you consider providing a meal, becoming respite certified, or adding a foster family/biological family/child to your prayer list?
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